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Thinking for the New Year

Thinking for the New Year

So, after everything went completely pear shaped for me and my potential master over a week ago, I’ve been left struggling to understand what exactly happened, why it went so bad, so quickly. With a little bit of breathing space, we've managed to talk through things to a certain degree and we've come through the other side with a better understanding of ourselves. For me, this is perfect, it’s highlighted the areas of my personality that may need a little tweaking in any future partners/friendships I may cultivate.  Things I can improve on in this New Year! I will be dominated in 2015!

Now, bearing that in mind, I’m now left to decide what to do next. I know that I am not ready to seek out a new master just yet, I’m certainly not going to be actively searching. unless the right guy or gall crosses my path! I think part of my problem was that I was so eager to start on this kinky path, that I just went along and got caught up in the first person that came and said some of the things I needed to hear. I need to let things happen naturally, not push myself into being what someone else needs. I need to go at a pace that I am happy with, I need to pay attention to my needs and wants as well as another persons. Yes, there will be times that I am nervous, that I will worry, but I will need to keep a level head and listen to myself. To realise when I need to back off and take my time, and when I need to push through my barriers. It may be tricky at times, but I just need to give myself enough time to figure things out I guess. Time to think!

So now I’m wondering, what would be the best way forward for me? Just talking to different people, or if I manage to build a connection, do I consider a friends with benefits type of relationship with someone who’s more into the kinky aspect, apposed to a dom/sub type? So I can try things and learn on a practical basis as well as verbally? So that I can try different things properly, to see where my tastes actually lie.

The test for me will be whether I can do either of these things, make connections, and keep my head straight at the same time. This year will be hard.  Not get swept up and carried away. It’s going to take time, practice and patients………three things I’m not exactly renound for! Fingers crossed, I can keep a level head, while either option possibly develops.

I will be thinking hard this year and making those choices to satisfy my need for pleasure!